In today's world it's easy to fall into the monotony of routine and life. All the little connections that play an important role in the parent-child relationship often fall by the wayside of the stressful, fast pace life most of us live. I was and am caught up in that racetrack, as a mother of four starting a new career, supporting my husbands creative profession and keeping up with the house and animals. but looking back it wasn't always this way, when my older two were young I always had time to play and connect and live in their world. We grew older and bigger as a family, adding another daughter and son in quick succession and as the vice of life tightened it grew harder to allow myself entry into their space. With many moves, career changes and health problems pressing down on our little unit, I never was able to connection with my youngest daughter. I connected easily to my other three, I had time with them, their births came at peaceful moments in our lives. My youngest daughter was born in a torrent of external problems. I had a hard labor with her, we were kicked out of our home and in the process of moving 500 miles away from my husband who stayed behind to keep his job. Alone, I had to attend the needs of our other children and I just was not there emotionally in anyway for this little baby. I have carried around that emptiness and guilt regarding her, I kept trying to reach out and connect with her but it was as though that window closed. There was a melancholy in my heart when it would be just the two of us, together but not seeing each other.
By chance I attended Ajeet Khalsa's Dancing Spider yoga class with my daughter. I had tried yoga with my daughter before but as I kept trying to correct her poses she would grow uninterested and find something else to do. At Dancing Spider yoga the first thing Ajeet had us do was essentially speak the children's language, doing the poses to a wonderfully playful verse, transforming us into a zoo of animals and flying across the world on a magic carpet. At first I felt very outside of my comfort zone, but watching my daughter come to life as a cat or a cow, ( in the cat-cow pose) glowing when she could direct the class's "magic carpet" to a far away land and flapping her arms like a butterfly, I could finally see her and all her beautiful, colorful personality.
I dropped my inhibitions and jumped around like a frog and kicked my feet in the air like a baby. And then quite naturally, I noticed we had entered into play. Play which is the language of children, pure joy and acceptance. Nothing else mattered, so what?if the poses were not perfect, so what? if she wanted a purple pineapple in her "soup" and so what? if she chose to give a snarky retort to a question, it was all love. All judgements and worry melted away and by the time we were ready for the meditation at the end, my heart and mind was open and empty ready to be filled with the wonderful awe of this special life I had produced sitting right in front of me.
My daughter and I sat facing each other, and it felt for the first time we actually saw one another. We chanted with graceful arm movements mirroring each other perfectly, we were in sync. I don't remember the words exactly but the message was love, light and acceptance. With our two spirits in a beautiful duet chanting this message I felt a warmth and a spark, a feeling of doors opening, new paths being discovered and a wonderful new beginning for my daughter and I to embark upon. When the meditation concluded my daughter melted into my arms, we embraced so naturally, something that in the part always felt forced. Knowing then in that embrace, that she felt the spark as well, tears of pure joy welled up in me. Our souls had been so thirsty for this connection that we soaked it up. This connection we had been lacking had now materialized. This is a bond that cannot be broken or diminished. whatever happens in her life or mine it will always be there no matter what strains our relationship or life.
I am eternally grateful for my experience with Dancing Spider yoga, I believe it jumpstarted my relationship with my daughter that never had a chance to form. I believe other can have transformative experiences doing this with their children. I believe it is important to have connections with the ones you love and dancing spider yoga is a beautiful way to step into your children's world and see the future with them."
kat haverkamp, tn
mother of 4
If you truly want to find balance and connection with your children, learn to play with them and do yoga at home! I can teach you